WE-MIND vs. ME-MIND: A New Vision for Success in Leadership & Life
If you have ever watched someone less capable move ahead faster than you, you have probably asked yourself an uncomfortable question: what am I missing?
Often the answer is assumed to be confidence, visibility or strategy. If you are a woman, the explanation is frequently framed as bias.
And yet, those explanations rarely tell the whole story.
Beneath them lies a deeper dynamic: an invisible tension that shapes how we make decisions, pursue ambition and define success.
When I returned to Europe after twenty years as a news correspondent in the broader Near East, I could not wrap my head around why decades of policies, initiatives and enormous resources had not been able to end inequality between women and men.
I wasn’t convinced that the familiar explanations — from entrenched patriarchal structures to persistent gender bias — fully accounted for why the gap proved so resistant to change.
As I settled in Brussels, again and again, I met highly capable women who were ambitious, intelligent and driven, yet encountered a kind of friction that they often labelled as personal shortcomings. But why did so many women struggle with this?
Curious about what might be missing from the conversation, I began a seven-year investigation into the deeper dynamics shaping behaviour, ambition and decision-making, drawing on scientific literature, behavioural observation and hundreds of real-world conversations.
What emerged was a pattern no one seemed to be talking about.
I identified two powerful drives that shape how humans navigate the world: the We-Mind and the Me-Mind.
The We-Mind focuses on connection, cooperation and the well-being of the group.
The Me-Mind focuses on autonomy, self-interest and individual advancement.
Both are essential to healthy societies and organisations. Yet modern institutions overwhelmingly reward Me-Mind behaviour, while We-Mind capacities — such as collaboration, relational intelligence and long-term thinking — are often treated as secondary or invisible.
This imbalance, I argue, helps explain why many qualities commonly associated with women are misunderstood or undervalued, why so many women struggle with what feels like an inner glass ceiling, and why well-intentioned equality efforts often fail to produce the change they promise.
If any of the following tensions feel familiar, this book was written with you in mind:
- You support others easily, but hesitate when it comes to promoting yourself
- Collaboration energises you, while constant competition feels draining
- Traditional leadership models do not reflect the way you want to contribute
- Despite your achievements, a part of you still doubts whether you fully belong
These experiences are often framed as personal shortcomings.
We-Mind vs. Me-Mind offers a different interpretation, and a different path forward.
Inside the book you will discover:
- The two drives that shape how people approach ambition, leadership and success
- Why many equality initiatives struggle to produce lasting results
- How the imbalance between the We-Mind and Me-Mind plays out in workplaces and organisations
- How to recognise your own decision patterns and work with them more effectively
- A broader definition of success
This book is not about fixing women. It is about understanding the value system that shapes our institutions, and why recognising the strengths of both the We-Mind and the Me-Mind is essential for a more balanced and resilient future.
If you have ever felt that the dominant models of success leave something important out, this book will help you understand why.
Order your copy of We-Mind vs. Me-Mind and discover a new way to think about leadership, ambition and contribution.