Authenticity in leadership is highly valued these days. For some reason, it often comes up in the context of women leading. But how desirable is it really? It seems like a tricky beast to me.
Being authentic means being actually and exactly what is claimed. It’s being original, genuine, true. Authentic leadership then, is a management style in which people act in a genuine, sincere way that is true to who they are.
Why is that important? Because it’s supposed to instill trust, which makes the job of a leader a lot easier.
But there is a flipside to it. The top female leader of the moment, Kamala Harris, is already under attack for the way she laughs, the color of her skin, for the very fact that she’s a woman. All these things make her her authentic self.
Tone down
Harris is not the only woman for whom being visible as her authentic self attracts unpleasant attention. How many of us are being cat-called in the street? Figures of authority (male and female) make us conform to dress codes for school or for work, for a religious service, etcetera. Or they tell us to tone down our authentic voices.
Both girls and boys may learn at an early age that being authentic can be risky. When we are small, being yourself means exploring your boundaries. You try things out and want to do things your way. You assert yourself. But often that meets the disapproval of our parents.
Obviously, as children we need to learn how to function within society. It is necessary that parents set boundaries and teach us what we can and what we cannot do. But if we’re always told off and have to obey an almighty parent, we may end up feeling that it’s a bad idea to be ourselves.
In some cases, parents steal the show whenever a child wants to express their genuine self. Let’s say, for example, it wants to tell an idea or do a creative project. Parents may interrupt, correct, join and improve the project, or shut their child up in some other way. It often is not presented as disapproval, but framed as encouragement. The net result, however, is that what the parent wants to express gets priority. When this is a pattern, you may end up subconsciously not even wanting to try to show what you’re really about.
Many of us are guided in life by a focus on the well-being of others. Leading with your We-Mind means you’re ready to sacrifice your own desires and needs if that fosters connection. It means you assert yourself less and give the floor to others. Your drive is not so much accumulating wealth or power, but rather contributing to a better world. Your leadership is less defined by charging ahead and pursuing a vision, but more by making sure no-one stays behind. But it’s hard to stay true to yourself in leadership if these are your values. The consensus is that this way of being is not leader-like.
Easy
For those who lead with their Me-Mind it’s easier. If instead of connection, you prioritise establishing independence or even superiority, you attach less value to what others think. You may not take into consideration what might be good for them if that doesn’t serve you.
Our economic system encourages leaders who take their me-mindedness to the extreme. Our Me-mind competes instead of collaborating, and is more about our own interest than about the greater good. But often we cheer for those who want to destroy the competition. And people tell me about their leaders who are plain bullies, male and female, who have no inhibitions about being an authentic jerk and who keep their position even if they make life miserable for many others.
That makes me wonder if instead of trust, such authentic unkindness actually instills loyalty?
The most powerful man in the world, Joe Biden, was initially listening to his Me-Mind when he refused to step down. But then his We-Mind kicked in. In service of the greater good, he gave the floor to Kamala Harris. That’s true leadership if you ask me. And it was probably authentic too. And yet, he did it because his followers no longer trusted him as a leader.
Being authentic gives you credibility, but it is important first and foremost for how you feel about yourself. Suppressing (parts of) your true self makes you unhappy and hold back.
The book I’m currently working on lays out my method for how to set yourself free to be totally true to yourself. Stay tuned.
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